Bee for Beloved or Be in love?

HEADS UP! it's about me and Dee, my first Boyfriend.
terakhir kali cerita tentang dia di Bee For Biker .
so after that meeting, he occasionally go back to my neigborhood, to meet me.
it flattered me actually, IF he were my boyfriend rite now....


tapi kenyataan tidak seindah angan-angan.
sejak tahun lalu ketemu dia, dia udah punya pacar, dan malah di kenalin ke gw :/ cakid... cakid beudh rasanya...
coba aja elo pikir yah.... setelah sekian tahun dia ngilang ke bandung, dia balik ketemu gw, kerumah gw...
ngebangunin gw dr tidur dan ngmg "good mornin bee!"
back then i was in heaven, for 2 seconds, karena setelah itu gw sadar dikamar gw bukan hanya ada gw dan Dee. ada orang ketiga disitu, yaitu BF nya dee...

i was shocked, but oh well it's been years lah yaaa, jadi wajar aja kalo dia udah punya pacar.
and then i know how "well" he is now...
kuliah bisnis terkemuka di universitas bandung, punya pacar satu jurusan yang "selevel" sama dia, mukanya sih lebih cakep dr gw, kulit exotic brown, sama sih kayak gw, tp dia six pack. nah gw? ahhh sudahlah lupakan... :))
setelah pertemuan stlh bertahun2 itu dia terkadang suka ngajak gw jalan, awal mulanya gw mau, tp ternyata dia selalu ngajak pacarnya juga... yaa males dong gw lama-lama...

so i make my distance, tapi... akhirnya beberapa bulan lalu, juli, dan seperti yg gw ceritain di Bee for Biker, gw bertemu dia lg...
sejak hari itu, dia mulai sering menghubungi gw, dan gw pun mulai luluh dgn sikap dia, memang ngga intens sih, tp hubungan kita secara general bisa dibilang lebih dekatlah...

and so yeah i still have other fuck dan beberapa gebetan, dan itulah yg ngebuat gw ngga begitu "into him"
sampai akhirnya dibulan september ini, gw yang lagi penuh dgn kegalauan dgn skripsi dan gebetan gw, memutuskan untuk "memanggil" dia kerumah...

it happened about 2 weeks ago, dalam kondisi gw yang sedang cukup down, gw sms(yaaa sms, krn dia anti mainstream yg sama sekali ngga punya ym/bbm/whatsapp dll) dia, and we ended up made an appointment at my house.

kenapa? salah satunya karena weekend itu nyokap gw pergi, beserta adik gw, so i was alone at home, and he earnestly wants to go to my home from bandung. i was touched by his act, dan pada hari itu dia bener-bener full service gw, to make me smile...
gw diajak jalan-jalan, nonton dan malemnya romantic dinner :')

selama itu pula dia ngga cerita tentang BF nya, dan setengah hati gw pun ngga pengen denger cerita itu, i just want my "Me Time" i was being selfish, but i dont care, i just want it, to cure my heart....
and that nite... we ended up having sex, beautifully.
i crave and crave for more...
i miss his body, his curve six pack, his nice manly smell
i miss his kiss, his moaning and i miss dominating him...
i miss his cuddling, his kiss after sex and his grinning smile.

after that, everything went awkward...
i want him so bad, and i know he wants me too...
dia tambah mendekati gw, dan perasaan gw serba salah...
gw curhat ke BitchyBeach, dia blg dengan tegas kalo apa yg gw lakuin salah, dan gw harus cepat-cepat move on. but...

there's always "but"
but he never mention about his BF anymore, maybe they broke up?
but he always there for me, whenever i want to...
but he was a great fucker, and i couldn't ask for more...

puncaknya adalah beberapa hari lalu, dimalam yang udah sepi, disaat gw lagi sibuk ngetik skripsi, dia nelepon gw...
"bee kamu lagi apa?" tanya dee memulai pembicaraan
"aku lagi ngerjain skripsi, dee..." balas gw berusaha terdengar semangat, walaupun sebenernya gw udah cape dan penat....
"hemmm aku ganggu yah?" seru dia dengan suara manjanya, suara manja yang selalu dia buat kalo dia ada maunya...
"hmm ngga kok, kenapa? kamu mau ngobrolin apa?"
"kamu dengerin ini yah...." seru dia yang tiba-tiba sedetik berikutnya gw denger suara piano mengalun indah di telepon gw...
"mungkin lagu ini bukan lagu kita banget, tapi beberapa lirik disini merupakan perasaan aku terhadap kamu..."
and i was speechless... dia melantunkan lagu Mantan Terindah dengan pianonya...

tangan gw gemeter
jantung gw berdegub kenceng
mata gw mulai beriak...

Mau dikatakan apa lagi
Kita tak akan pernah satu
Engkau di sana, aku di sini
Mesti hatiku memilihmu

setelah selesai bernyanyi, dia ngomong ke gw "aku sayang kamu bee..."
and just it...
dia ngga minta apapun dari gw
dan gw pun takut mendengar perkataan dia yang lain
and that time, i can only answer "makasih yah..." like a sore loser...


No conclusion, no Epilog, the camera still rolling, and i dunno what will happen next....
i dont wanna hurt him and his relationship, but me, my Ego craving for him....
to be with me...



BeeBuzz of the day

here he comes! Rory Asyari! male Anchor on MetroTv. a hunk indeed, and a cute one! as i promised i will tell about his gossip. First, yeah he's PLU. Top or Bottom? ask him yourself :))
but 1 thing for sure, he's a GADUN LOVER. so brondong, BACK THE HELL OFF! some says he's a gold digger and look for some good social status on jakarta (since he used to lived at surakarta). but i think that's totally fine, as long as it's mutual and the GADUN is not bothered with it. well HELL O, nothing's free in this fucking world!! No Real Scandal so far. so GRAB HIM!!